‘I’ll Need A Gift Receipt,’ Lies Man Buying $270 ‘Lord Of The Rings’ Lego Set
The post ‘I’ll Need A Gift Receipt,’ Lies Man Buying $270 ‘Lord Of The Rings’ Lego Set appeared first on The Onion.
Voter Fraud By The Numbers
President Trump has made repeated claims of widespread voter fraud as a justification for changes to electoral and election monitoring systems. The Onion looks at key figures behind Trump’s assertions of election rigging. 22 States where voter fraud is…
Trump Slams The Beauty Of A Lotus Flower In Scathing Truth Social Haiku
WASHINGTON—Tearing into the sacred plant in a brief but devastating poem, a reportedly livid President Donald Trump slammed the beauty of the lotus flower Monday in a scathing Truth Social haiku. “PATHETIC FLOWER,” the president wrote in an all-caps…
FBI Investigating Suspicious Substance Sent To Congressional Offices
As it investigates a suspicious substance found in letters sent to congressional and election offices around the country, the FBI is urging recipients to exercise caution due to the potentially hazardous nature of the powdery material. What do you think?…
Poll: Majority Of Americans Still Go Bonkers For Amber Waves Of Grain
WASHINGTON—Underscoring the enduring power of a gorgeous, swaying crop to make Americans hoot and holler, a Pew Research Center poll released Thursday found that a majority of Americans still go bonkers for amber waves of grain. “According to our…
Trump Furious After “Pro Kings” Rally Draws Sparse Crowd
Nicholas Kamm/AFP via Getty Images LEXINGTON, KY (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump was reportedly “apoplectic with rage” on Saturday after a tiny crowd showed up for his heavily-publicized “Pro Kings” rally. An advance…
Help! My Coworker Asked for Horror Movie Recs, and Now I Have To Speak to HR
Hi! Not sure if anyone here in r/horror has experience navigating interpersonal workplace friction stemming from media recommendations, but I have a meeting coming up with HR, and any advice would be greatly appreciated! Recently I was in the Hobby Lobby…
TSA Agent Pats Down Family at End of Long Workday
DALLAS — Arriving home after a strenuous 12-hour shift at the Dallas Fort Worth International Airport, Transportation Security Administration agent Larry Prosky greeted his family with a loving pat-down to close out his workday, confirmed sources. “When…
Weird Cleveland Browns Fan Has No Children On Team
CLEVELAND—Struggling to comprehend why anyone would voluntarily be there without a loved one on the field, sources at Sunday’s Cleveland Browns game expressed confusion over a fan who did not appear to have a child on the team. “Wait…so he just wanted to…
7 National Parks Perfect for Watching AI Anime Porn While Sports-Betting
Have you ever been cranking it to digital anime in the woods when you hear a particular bird call? Have you ever been watching your latexed waifu get reamed when a bizarre mountain range catches your eye? Thanks to AI, birdsong of local species can…