Is America’s Crummiest Political Dynasty About to Bite the Dust?
If anyone can put a fork in the Sununu dynasty, it’s John E. Sununu. (Photo: CJ Gunther/Getty Images) Welcome to The Borowitz Report’s newest premium feature, TBR Midterms HQ. Between now and November, we’ll offer deep dives into the…
Obama Family Dog Passes Away
Former President Barack Obama announced that his family’s Portuguese water dog Sunny, which they got in 2013 during their time in the White House, has passed away. What do you think? “A house without 18 acres of lawn is no suitable environment for a pet…
Holy Fucking Shit! There’s Been a Person in This Parked Car Next to Me the Entire Time
Jonathan Lipnicki! That’s that little fucker’s name; I knew I would get it. I really should download the IMDB app. Just not right now; there’s not enough time. La di doo la di dee…Holy fucking shit! Wow, ok, there is fully a person in the passenger…
Scientists Reveal They’re Closer Than Ever To Discovering Whether the Black Crowes Are Classic Rock or Not
TROY, N.Y. — Scientists at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute revealed that they are closer than ever to discovering whether the Black Crowes are classic rock or not, sources reveal. “We are on the cusp of a true breakthrough,” lead scientist Cara Flores…
Pitcher Clearly Ate Rosin Bag
The post Pitcher Clearly Ate Rosin Bag appeared first on The Onion.
Russian Oligarch Bankrolls Donald Trump Jr.’s Wedding After Party
A Russian businessman with ties to Putin spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on Donald Trump Jr.’s wedding after party, raising ethical concerns and accusations of buying influence. What do you think? “I heard the Saudis baked the cake.” Marina Ayala,…
Olivia Rodrigo Releases Fantasy Tabletop Game ‘The High Winter Elves Of Girlville’
LOS ANGELES—Calling the effort the purest distillation to date of where she is as a dungeon master, pop star Olivia Rodrigo released her long-awaited tabletop roleplaying game The High Winter Elves Of Girlville on Friday. The multiplatinum artist, who…
Landlord Takes Hornets’ Side
HUNTSVILLE, AL—Claiming he had looked into the issue per the tenant’s request, local landlord Ernest Morton told one of his renters Thursday that he had no choice but to take the hornets’ side in a recent dispute that occurred at one of his…
Freida Flores and Anthony Acosta
After a misprint on the invitations, Flores and Acosta had a strict only-kids wedding. The post Freida Flores and Anthony Acosta appeared first on The Onion.
Pros And Cons Of Letting Dogs Sleep In The Bed
Pet lovers and health experts are divided over whether dogs should co-sleep with their owners. The Onion examines the pros and cons of letting dogs sleep in the bed. PRO They’ll bark to let you know if anyone else is getting into bed Get more use…